The Pastor's Wife


November 16, 2014

Not only could a pastor's wife benefit from this sermon or could we learn how to treat the pastor's wife or what to expect from the pastor's wife but also a lot of the things that I'm going to preach on this morning will just go for all wives in general because we're going to look at a lot of scriptures about what a wife's role is and what a wife's job is and this is applicable unto all men and women everywhere.

The first thing I want to point out in this passage in 1 Timothy 3 is we have the qualifications for the bishop and the deacon. The bishop being the pastor. The bible uses the words bishop, elder and pastor interchangeably. First, we have the qualifications for the bishop and then we have the qualifications for the deacon. There's no mention of qualifications for the bishop's wife or the pastor's wife but down to verse number 11, we do have a qualification for the deacon's wife.

It says in verse 11, "Even so must their wives be grave, not slanderers, sober, faithful in all things. Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife ruling their children and their own house as well." If we were to use common sense here, we would think to ourselves, "If God expects the deacon's wife to be sober, to be grave, not to be a slanderer and to be faithful in all things, how much more should the pastor's wife be those things because of the fact that being the pastor is a higher position than being the deacon?"

If anything, the qualifications would be more strict and not less strict. The reason that I bring this up is because a lot of people today have a mistaken idea of what it means to be a pastor's wife. I think this is probably the best way to explain to you the difference between our philosophy which I believe is a biblical philosophy and the philosophy that a lot of other people have.

I believe that the pastor's wife is the pastor's wife. Other people have this idea that there's this thing called a pastor's wife. Run it all into one world. Think about that now. They're putting it all into one word like there's a person known as the pastor's wife. I'm saying no, it's the pastor's wife. The difference is ... What's the difference? Here's the difference. My wife is not the assistant pastor of the church, my wife is not employed by the church, my wife is not holding a position in the church where she has a bunch of duties and obligations to perform.

Actually biblically, her obligation is toward me and no one else. She's not your pastor's wife. No, she's my wife. The reason that I bring that up is because my wife has a big enough job to just keeping me happy and taking care of eight children that she doesn't need to also have the added responsibility of running a church or basically being some kind of a mother unto all the ladies in the church and having an obligation to be everyone's friend and talk to everybody and counsel everybody and help everybody.

It's just too big of a job for her to do because she's too busy being my wife and being the mother of her children. She can't be burdened with these other tasks. Let me just give you an illustration, we're going to look at a lot of scripture but I just want to lay the foundation here, what if your job ... Think about what you do for a living, what if your job started making a lot of demands on your wife? What if they said, "Hey, your wife needs to come down here and clean restrooms and your wife needs to come down to the office here and start taking phone calls and start dealing with customers."

You'd say, "Wait a minute, that's not her ... I work for you but my wife doesn't." My wife works for me. My wife is taking care of my home and my house. Yet it would be crazy ... By the way, that's not that far-fetched because I had a boss who would try to do that. He would give me all these tasks and say, "Oh, just have your wife do that, oh just have your wife do that." And I would tell him, "Look, my wife is busy, my wife doesn't have time to do that. My wife is not working for you. I'm working for you."

I said, "If you need that done, I will be glad to do it but my wife is not going to do it because my wife has her own things to do." It's just not right for us to think that the pastor's wife is going to be there to just shepherd all the late like I shepherd the man and she shepherd the lady. That's not how it works biblically. I shepherd everybody and my wife is my wife. Now you say, "Why did he even give a qualification for the wife if she's not really the pastor's wife that we think she is or whatever."

Here's why. First of all number one, there is no qualification for the bishop's wife. If she had some big job of teaching and preaching and counseling and guiding everybody and doing all this, then when he have given qualifications for her? She had that important task? Number two, if you look at the context of the qualifications for the deacon's wife, it's not that the deacon's wife needs to have qualifications in order to teach, preach, counsel, be there for everybody, actually it's because if the wife isn't right, it reflects on the husband.

Look at the context, look down at your bible, 1 Timothy 3:11 says this, "Even so must their wives be grave, slanderers, sober, faithful in all things." Those aren't the qualifications of a leader. Those are just the qualifications of a good wife because everybody's wife should be sober. Everybody's wife should be faithful in all things. Everybody's wife should not be a slanderer or someone who makes false accusations.

These qualifications are there just to say, "Look, it reflects poorly on the deacon if his wife is doing these harmful things." That's why it says in verse 12, "Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife." Ruling their children and their own house as well. Back up if you wold diverse four where we're talking about the pastor. It says in verse 4, "One that ruleth well his own house." A pastor to be qualified has to be one that rules well his own house. Let me ask you this, if my wife were a slanderer or not sober, am I ruling well my own house?

Male: No.

Speaker 1: No, because God holds me responsible for the behavior of my wife. What I'm trying to say here is that these qualifications are not to lead us to believe that, "Oh, the pastor's wife has all these jobs and tasks and responsibilities to perform because she simply doesn't. I do. I have jobs to perform. I have tasks that I'm responsible for. She doesn't." Go if you would to Titus. Rather the qualifications are all for the husband. All of the qualifications for pastoring and being a deacon have to do with the man being right.

That's what they have to do because it's his job. He's the one who does the job. Here's the thing, my wife actually does volunteer a lot for the church. She makes the bulletin every week which is a lot of work, takes hours to make every week. She does plan all kinds of picnics and activities and church thing. She actually volunteers a lot of her time toward the work of the church on a weekly basis but let me tell you something, she's doing that because she wants to just like you volunteer for stuff and help out at church.

A lot of you ladies and man will also help out with things around the church but it's not her job. She's just doing it for the lord just like you do it for the lord when you want to help out and volunteer and pitch in around the church but it's not her biblical responsibility. Let's look at Titus Chapter 1 where the other qualifications for the pastor are listed. It says in verse 5 "For this cause left I thee in Crete that thou shouldest set in order the things that are wanting and ordain elders in every city has I had appointed thee. If any be blameless, the husband of one wife having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly. For a bishop must be blameless as the steward of God."

Not self-willed, not soon angry, not given to wine, no striker, not given to filthy lucre but a love of hospitality, a lover of good man, sober, just, holy, temperate. Holding fast the faithful word as he had been taught that he may be able by sound doctrine both to exhort and to convince the gains there. Again, no mention of tasks that his wife is performing. No mention of responsibilities that she has toward the church but she simply has the responsibility to be a good wife and to do her job as a wife and mother.

That is a full time job. You wives and mothers, you know that you're busy at home and that's your job. Go to Titus Chapter 2 ... Titus Chapter number 2 in the bible reads in verse number 3, "The aged women likewise that they be in behavior as become with holiness not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things that they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discrete, chased, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands that the word of God be not blasphemed."

In this passage in Titus Chapter 2, we do see the aged women teaching the younger women things like being sober, loving their husbands, loving their children, just practical advise on how to be a wife. A lot of that teaching is just done through example. By you being a good wife and setting a good example and maybe mentioning to younger women tips and things that you've learned and advise that you could get but let me ask you this, does this say the pastor's wife or does it just say the aged women?

This doesn't say the pastor's wife, this just says ... This is just all women in general obviously women can help teach other women things and women can be a guide and an example unto less experienced women in the church, younger women in the church, newly married women in the church but there's nothing here that says, "Oh it's the pastor's wife job to just have an open door policy and to just be ready to counsel you and talk to you and guide you." The problem is that when there are a hundred and some people in the church, about 130 people in our church right now, she doesn't have time to talk to 130 people and be my wife and be the mother of her children.

You know what? I don't want her to talk to 130 people because you know what? I want her focused on me. "Oh, you're selfish." "No, I want my wife to be mine. Don't you want to have your wife focused on you? I want my wife focused on me and I want your wife focused on you because that's what the bible teaches to love their husband, to be obedient to their husband, to care for their husband and to be a help unto their husband and unto their children." Not that she has a responsibility to just be there for everybody else.

Look, does my wife help people? Of course. Yes my wife sometimes does help people and give people counsel and give people advise and spend time with them but you know what? It's just not right to just demand that or expect that of her because it's just not realistic, it's just not going to happen and there are other ladies in this church that you could go to and have friendships with and rely on.

She's not the only person in this church that you could go to and then you go to her and, "She's just never there for me." Of course she's not there for you. She's there for me and for my children and this is what we need to understand. If you look at this scripture here, it says, "The aged women likewise that they be in behavior as becometh holiness." At the beginning of verse 4 it says, "That they may teach the young women to be sober."

A lot of these teaching is taking place through their own behavior. Through having a good example and then basically saying something to younger women when they need to hear some counsel or advise in a particular scenario but if you look at verse 4, it says, "They may teach the young women to be sober to love their husbands, to love their children." That is her responsibility. First, toward the husband, then toward the children.

By the time she takes care of the husband and the children, there may not be a lot of time for anything else. A woman who is married and doesn't have any children is probably going to have more time for other things and more time for other people. A woman who is married and has one child is probably going to have more time for other people than one who is married and has eight children or four children or six children.

Obviously different ladies are going through different stages of their life when they have more or less time to give unto other people but God says that he loves a cheerful giver and the bible says that, "As a man purposeth in his heart, so let him give not grudgingly but willingly." And it says this that "When a man gives, it's accepted according to that a man hath, not according to that he have not." God does not expect us to give what we don't have. He never expects us to give what we don't have.

God just wants us to give what we have. God's not going to be upset at us if we just don't have time, don't have any money, don't have any resources, we don't have anything to give. He wants us to willingly give of what we do have, not what we don't have. Some people just don't have time to help you. Some people just don't have time to be there for you all the time and especially not a wife and mother who is very busy with the job that that entails.

My wife loves our church and she loves you but honestly, she already does so much that you can't just expect an unlimited resource out of her. Also, if you look at verse 5 it's ... Discrete, chase, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands that the word of God be not blasphemed and what I really want to point out there is that little phrase their own husbands. It says that they should be obedient to their own husband. Not obedient to someone else's husband.

Obedient to their own husband because a lot of people will try to construe the bible's teaching. "Oh the bible just teaches that women have to obey men." The bible doesn't teach that women have to obey men. It teaches that a woman has to obey her man. That's what the bible teaches and that's a big difference than to just teach like, "All women have to obey all men." That's not a biblical teaching. "All women have to be in subjection to all men." No, a woman is in subjection to her own.

My wife is not subject to under any other man in this church. None. She's under my authority and that alone. I would never ... You server your authority over your wife either. For example, I've often told people. If I tell you one thing and your husband tells you something else, obey your husband and ignore me because he is your husband, he is your most direct authority and not me because I rule in the house of God here but I do not rule your home. You rule your home. Every husband is the king of his own castle. That is what the bible teaches.

We need to understand when he says their own husbands, this is a very specific command that the wife obeys her own husband. Not just in subjection to everyone. Go if you would to 1 Peter ... Actually, go to Proverbs 31 ... Proverbs chapter 31 and while you're turning there, I'll read for you from 1 Peter 3:1, you're going to Proverbs 31. 1 Peter 3:1 says "Likewise wives be in subjection to your own husbands." Again he makes that very clear to your own husbands.

He says that if any obey not the word, they may also without the word be won by the conversation of the wives. Go to Proverbs 31. I remember one time there was a certain guest preacher who came to the church where I was. I had heard good things about this preacher. I regretted the fact that I had ... It was at a special service and I had to miss that service. I did not get to hear this guest preacher that I have been looking forward to hearing.

I got the CD of it because they recorded all the sermons who will make a CD so I got the preaching CD from this preacher that I had heard good things about and wanted to hear. I got the CD and this was a guy who had started at church I think at Alabama or somewhere and he'd started the church and I popped in the CD and about five to seven minutes into the sermon, he's talking about how when he started the church, some of the people on his staff wanted the assistant pastor, the Christian school teacher whoever, some of the men on his staff had said that they don't want their wife working for the church but that they wanted their wife to be predominantly a stay at home wife and a stay at home mother and they didn't want her on the payroll of the church as an employee.

He said, "That's just not going to work because we're starting a church. We're doing this great work for God and it's all hands on deck." I just pushed eject and just hurled the CD out of the window. Don't tell the highway patrol, it wasn't like a thousand dollar fine or some crazy thing but I got so angry when I heard him say that. I just hurled ... This is like over a decade ago. I just hurled the CD out the window.

What kind of stupidity is that that tells a man, "No, it's not enough for you to work for the church. I'm paying you but your wife has to work for the church too. She needs to be down here working for us." No, that's wrong. She needs to be at home working for him like he wanted as a stay at home wife and a stay at home mother. Not being forced to work for the church. It's like they want to get a two for one. They want to pay the husband and get two workers out of it.

No. She needs to be working on breakfast. She needs to be working on lunch. She needs to be working on dinner. She needs to be working on homeschooling the children and teaching them and cleaning. That's enough work. You can't just run people into the ground and just be a slave driver and just make people burn the candle of both ends, get up early and stay up late and just "Work, work, work. All hands on deck." No, it's not.

Women have a difficult job, it's just different than we men have. You say, "Oh, the man do all the work and our wives just sit at home but they're not sitting at home." They have work to do at home. I'm busy, she's busy, you're busy, your wife's busy. We need to get back in this country to respecting the work that women do. The bible says that we should give honor unto our wife. The bible says give honor onto the wife as on to the weaker vessel and you know what it means to give honor to her? It means we should respect and appreciate the job that she has and not look down on and think, "Oh it's not important. Hey, we're out changing the world right? What's she doing?"

Taking care of the house. That's important. We need to give it its proper importance and by the way, raising the right children changes the world. Raising the right children will change the world and by the way, you know what? A woman who is a godly, righteous person that will be a blessing to her husband, she's going to allow him to do greater things for God than the one ... That the wife that maketh ashamed and is rotten as unto his bone." The bible says.

The bible says, "The wife that maketh ashamed is like rotten as through her husband's bones." The bible talks about a good wife in Proverbs 31. Let's read Proverbs 31 and let's get what the bible teaches. A good woman or a good wife is like. Look at verse 10. Starting at verse 10 it says, "Who can find a virtuous woman for her price is far above rubies." You say, "Oh, the bible is degrading to our women." No. The bible says that the value of a woman is far above rubies. It's exalting this woman. Keep reading.

The heart and I want to emphasize certain words as I read this. The heart of her husband that safely trust in her. Does that say the heart of every person in the church that safely trust in her. Every person in the church is relying on her. Hundreds of people in the church are counting on her. Is that what it says? No, it says her husband is counting on her. Her husband is relying on her.

The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her so that he shall have no need of spoil. What does it mean to have no need of spoil? Spoil is basically an extra windfall of the income coming in. If you think about spoil, they go out to battle as soldiers. They're already getting their normal wages for being a soldier but spoil is when the enemy is defeated and then they go back to the bodies not to be morbid and basically get the spoil, the weapons, the money, whatever they have on them is the spoil that they take home from the battle.

That's something extra on top. When the bible says the heart of her husband is safely trust in her so that he shall have no need of spoil. It's referring to the fact that she's being economical. She's not just basically wasting all the money to the point of where he's like, "I need to get some spoil. I need to come up with some way to bring in some extra treasures here because all the money is gone because she took a trip to Nordstrom and Neiman Marcus and she went out and the little stripe on the credit card is already faded. We're requesting a new one. We've only had it for two months because it's been swiped so many times. It's just worn away.

What's the bible saying here? Here's the thing. If you want to be an economical wife as the bible is describing the virtuous woman here, if you want to be an economical wife, you know what? That takes time because if you're in a hurry, you can't be economical. We're planning the church picnic and we were buying things and we're trying to be as economical as possible figuring out where the organic beef is going to be on sale, figuring out where we can get the buns at a good price and stuff like that.

Here's the thing. When it came down to the last minute of the picnic and we were still missing some of the supplies, it was just you know what? You just go to Whole Foods and start throwing stuff in the cart and it costs more but at that point you're in a hurry it's like, "Oh man, it starts. We've got most of it but we need a couple of things. Let's just go grab it. We know it's going to be there. We throw it in the cart." But you pay a little more don't you?

Here's the thing. If your wife is real busy and doesn't have any time and she's doing a whole bunch of other things, she's not going to have time to go find grocery deals. She's not going to have time to go find the clothing deals. She's going to have time to save you money because it's just quick. Just grab it, just buy it, just order it, just don't think because time is money. That's what the bible is saying here when it says her husband that safely trust in her.

He doesn't have to confiscate the debit card or confiscate the credit card or confiscate the cash because he can't trust that he's not going to be in need of spoil. It says in verse 12 she will do him good. Did she say she was doing good to every person on the planet? No. She'll do him good and not evil all the days of his life. She seeketh wool and flax and worketh willingly with her hands.

Wool and flax are the two materials that clothing has been made from historically. One of them is animal based wool and one of them is plant based flax. These products were very difficult to make clothing with. That's why throughout history, clothing has always been expensive. Nowadays, clothing is really cheap because of machines and industrial methods. It's really cheap to just go to the store and just buy the clothes you need.

If any woman sows, it's usually as a hobby or just to make something that she's not able to find at the store. She wants to make a specialty item, she's going to sow it exactly the way she wants it or to mend things but honestly it's just cheaper to buy clothing than to sow these days but throughout history, women had to make clothing for the family. That was a big job that women had because here's the thing you say, "Oh, selling is not that big of a job. I just buy a few yards of fabric." Okay, stop right there.

Throughout history they didn't buy the fabric, they made the fabric. It's not that they just took fabric and sew to garment, that's what we call sewing today. We call making your clothes from scratch. Oh I make clothes from scratch. You're starting with the hardest part already done. The fabric being made because the fabric is made of threads. Have you ever got a piece of clothing and just start pulling on a thread and just start unraveling it.

There are all different types of textiles and I'm not giving a seminar on textiles this morning but I will say this, "If you actually look at what it takes to take the wool off the sheep because this says, "She seeketh wool and flax." If you understand what it takes to take the wool off the sheep to clean it and then to spin that wool into yard and into fabric, it is a huge difficult time consuming job. That's why when people are making a huge bet in the book of judges with Samson, it's 30 changes of raiment, 30 pieces of clothing because clothing is a commodity in the bible. A garment.

They see that Babylonian garment and steal it, Achan in the book of Joshua because clothing took a lot of work to make back then. A lot of people will just have maybe two sets of clothing. One set of clothing that they would wear for work and the Sunday best that they would put on but they didn't have just the abundance of clothing that we have today. They had to just wash those clothes and they had to have durable clothing but here's the thing flax ... Making clothing from flax is even more difficult than from wool. Even harder. Even more time consuming to make the plant based textiles.

When the bible says, "She seeketh wool and flax and worketh willingly with her hands." She's going out and finding the deals, finding the source for the wool and the flax so that she can spin that wool into clothing. She's working hard for who? For the family. Keep reading. It says, "She is like the merchant ships. She bringeth her food from afar." Why do merchant ships bring the food from far away? Because of the fact that they can get a better deal somewhere, they get stuff cheaply somewhere and then they import it and bring it in and then they can raise the price and it's still cheaper than what's available locally.

That's why things are even imported in the first place. She is like the merchant ships. She brings her food from afar meaning that she finds the deals on the food. She finds the best price. It says, "She rises also while it is yet night and giveth meat to her household and a portion to her maidens." You see a pattern here in this passage? Her husband, he, do him good, her household, her maidens. Look at the next verse, verse 16, "She considereth a field and buyeth it with the fruit of her hands, she planteth a vineyard. She girdeth her loins with strength and strengtheneth her arms. She perceiveth that her merchandise is good. Her candle goeth not out by night.

She layeth her hands to the spindle and her hands hold the distaff." That's more about the making of clothing. The spindle, the distaff. She's making handmade clothing. She stretches out her hand to the poor. She reaches forth her hands to the needy. She's not afraid of the snow for her household, for all her household are clothed with scarlet. Notice, she's taken the time necessary to make proper clothing for all of her family and even to the point where she does have time to stretch out her hand to the poor.

Let's keep reading in verse 22 it says. She maketh herself coverings of tapestry. Her clothing is silk and purple. Her husband is known in the gates when he seat among the elders of the land. She make a fine linen and selleth it and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. What's that saying? She is such a hard worker that not only is she able to make the clothing for her whole family which is a huge labor intensive job. She's such a hard worker that she actually makes extra things and delivers them unto a merchant to go sell.

She will make extra girdles and linen and basically linen comes from flax and basically pass that on to someone to sell it. Just hard work, dedication. Does it say you know what? She's delivering girdles unto the merchant, her kids are half naked. Is that what it says? She's delivering girdles unto the merchant that's why her kids only have one outfit that's ragged and they're cold in the winter because they have no sweater and they have no jacket. Is that what it says? No.

She deals with the needs of her own family and then she can do something for somebody else, reach out her hand to the needy and so forth. Her primary responsibility in this chapter is unto her own husband or her own children as you read the package and if you look at what she's spending her time on, it's a lot of cooking and a lot of clothing making. Thank God that women today don't have to make their own clothing.

"Pastor Anderson, are you saying we should all start spinning wool and flax?" No. I'm not saying that because there's no point. You can go the store and buy it and it's nice but does that mean women shouldn't work hard? No. They should work hard on other things but they should do the best they can for their husband and their children and be a good hardworking, industrious, economical wife but not to say that we have to go back to some ancient technology.

It says in verse 25, strength and honour are her clothing. She shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom and her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household and eat not the bread of idleness. What's it saying? She doesn't sit around and be idle and have nothing to do. It says she looketh well to the ways of her household. That's what keeps her from being idle, that's what keeps her from sitting around and having nothing to do.

She's out working hard to make the clothing, make the food and be economical and even all these things that are listed and then it says this, her children will rise up and call her blessed. Her husband also and he prays with her and this goes back to giving honor to the wife. It says, "Her husband praises her. We should praise our wives and tell her that she's doing a great job and tell her that she is excelling as a wife as the bible says here." This is what a virtuous godly wife looks like and when we look at this passage, it fits in perfectly with what we see in the new testament that a wife's primary job and responsibility is toward her own husband and toward her own children making sure that their needs are met.

I'm just telling you that when you have a lot of children, that is a big enough job in and of itself that you don't also have to be seen as a staff member of the church. She is not a staff member of the church. If she were, she'd be a great staff member. I'm not saying that she's not good at things but I'm just telling you this, she has a full plate and she already volunteers a lot for the church. It's not right for anyone in this church to expect her to be your best buddy like she can just be everybody's best buddy. No, she's not your best buddy unless she is but she's not.

First of all, there can only be one best buddy otherwise, there wouldn't be a best buddy but everybody wants her to be their BFF or whatever that means and basically it just isn't realistic or reasonable. Honestly, we just need to understand that the pastor's wife is the pastor's wife. His wife. Not your pastor's wife that I look to and go to and she needs to be there for me at all hours of the night and all hours of the day. She's there for Baby Boaz at all hours of the night and that's enough of a job right there.

Go if you would to 1 Timothy chapter 2 ... 1 Timothy chapter 2. You say, "Okay, this is great. You're respecting your wife right now in this sermon and you're defending your wife and you're explaining to people what they should expect from your wife and what they should not expect and what her job is." I'm not saying, "Oh, just stay away from Mrs. Anderson because she's too busy for us." That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying let her decide what she's going to do and not do for this church.

Is anybody forcing you to volunteer for this church? No. Does anybody force. There are wonderful ladies in our church who clean the bathroom but here's the thing, they're not being forced to clean the bathroom. They're cleaning the bathroom because they love the lord and they want to participate in the program. There are ladies in this church who organize activities and chop produce and form burger patties for the picnic and do all kinds of things to volunteer and they help out with some other baby rooms, they help out with getting meals to the people who just had a baby but they're doing it because they want to. They're doing it because they love the lord. They're doing it cheerfully and willingly and with a good heart.

You know what? It would be ridiculous for somebody to say to my wife, "Hey, something's not getting done at the church, what are you going to do about it? The building is not clean. Why haven't you cleaned it Mrs. Anderson? Why haven't you cleaned the bathroom Mrs. Anderson? Why didn't you change the oil in the church van Mrs. Anderson?" I'm just kidding. Why did you ... Look, it's not her job.

You say, "What is her responsibility?" Nothing except to me. Her responsibility to you is ... You know what her responsibility to you is? The same responsibility that every other lady in the church has toward you which is to what? Not slander you, be nice to you. Be friendly. You know what? My wife should be expected the same thing that every lady in the church is expected. Yeah, she can teach the young woman just like every other woman can teach the young women but no more or no less. She's just another lady in the church folks. She's just another busy mother in the church.

Just another godly wife in the church and there are plenty of godly wives and plenty of mothers to go around and she is not one to basically just be looked at as, "Hey the buck stops with her." No. The buck stops with me. If something is not happening properly, if something is not getting done, if you come to me about it, that would actually make sense because I'm actually responsible. This is actually my job to pastor this church. I am responsible but not going to her and she's not responsible. Don't burden her with a burden that's too heavy for any woman to carry because they already have enough on their plate.

You say, "I see you're just ... This is just about your wife." But it's really not just about my wife because this is a message for all wives. Let me tell you something. Just as there are outside forces trying to pull my wife away from serving me and serving the children just as this goes out you know what? In every woman's life, there are going to be outside forces that try to pull her away from her primary responsibility toward the husband and children. In fact just pastor's wives that deal with this.

Like I said I've even had my secular boss in the past trying to load my wife with tasks and responsibilities but you know what? There are a lot of times in life where you're going to feel like ladies, "Oh man, I need to go take care of this and I need to volunteer." Listen ladies, I want you to volunteer at the church. I want you to help out with things when help is needed. I want you to be a sole winner. I want you to serve God. I want you to do all these things but you know what? If you start doing those things to a degree where you're neglecting your responsibilities at home, you're wrong.

If you're just the most awesome volunteer at Faithful Word Baptist Church and you're just doing everything and helping out and we're like, "Wow, this is great. You're such a huge help." But then your husband is like, "What in the world? Where's dinner? The house in shambles. The kids are running around and nothing but a diaper." And it's chaos and madness. You're not doing right there. "Oh, but look at all these people I'm helping. Look at all these ladies that I'm helping. Look at all the work I've done down at the church and look at all the so many idea." Look, obviously you should be sewing but you know what? You shouldn't be overdoing anything to where your husband is complaining.

If your husband is saying no, you're doing too much, you need to be at home for me then that's your primary responsibility. You need to get that priority in your life and say, "You know what? My husband comes first. My children comes second and then I'm going to take what I have after that and I'm going to ... " "Well, that's just selfish." No, it's not selfish because God created you to be a servant under your husband.

You say, "Oh, I can't believe you say that in 2014." Look, that's what the bible says. Why did God make Eve in the first place for Adam? Read the bible. Where did I return? 1 Timothy 2? Read the bible my friend. It says in 1 Timothy 2 and like, "Man are also that women adoring themselves in modest apparel with shamefacedness and sobriety. Now with broided hair or gold or pearls or costly array but which becometh women professing godliness with good works.

Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection for I suffer not a woman to teach nor to usurp authority over the man but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed then Eve and Adam was not deceived but the woman being deceived was in the transgression. Now withstanding she shall be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety." Let me ask you something. From reading those scriptures that we just read, does that scripture look like my wife has a really big teaching and preaching job down at the local church from what we just read?

It looks like she was formed for Adam not be some kind of a ... It says, "No, she's there to learn not to basically be some kind of a ... What's Osteen's wife's name? Gloria? Or Victoria. My wife isn't trying to be like a Victoria Osteen where we both stand up here side by side and I hand her the microphone and we do a tag team. Come on up here honey, let's try that. Come on up. No, I'm just kidding but anyway. Come up baby, let's do the tag team style. It works for Joel. He's got 20 something thousand people coming to church on a Sunday morning.

The Joel and Victoria tag team, is that what the bible just taught in the verses that you just read? No, it's talking about her childbearing. Faith, charity, holiness, sobriety. Go to 1 Corinthians 11, 1 Corinthians chapter 11. You say, "Well, this is antiquated." No, it's the new testament. New, new testament. It's new. This isn't old ... This is too old. No it's new. That's not another testament of Jesus Christ Mormons. There's only one new testament. It's still new. The newness hasn't worn off.

It's not like, "Well, we used to call it the new testament but it's been a couple thousand years. Now we just call it the not as old testament." There's the really old testament and the not so old testament. It's the new testament. It's courage. It's up to date. It's applicable. Look at 1 Corinthians 11 verse 8, it says this, "For the man is not of the woman but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman but the woman for the man." What does that say that the woman was created for? The man.

The woman was created for the man. The man was not created for the woman, the woman was created for the man. Man says, "If my wife is created for me, that's her purpose. That's why she exists. She's there to be my wife." "Oh, you're degrading." "No, we're exalting women. We're giving them their proper role in their proper place and saying it's important. It's critical, it's vital. It's a blessing. It's an honorable thing to be the second in command under your husband. It's something that should be praised. It's something that should be looked at with honor and oath.

Everybody wants to talk about all the exceptions but you know what the except proves the rule my friend? The woman was made for the man. That's what the bible says. In general ... We can talk exceptions all the time. Everybody always wants to talk about all these but what about ... Shut up and just ... The bible said the woman is for the man and you know what? You're not the exception so quit worrying about some exception. If you're married, you have a husband, you're there for him and that's your main responsibility and if you're getting too busy with everything else to where you're not being there for him, what he needs from you then you're too busy.

You need to start cutting ... Out of your life and start focusing on making him happy. If the children aren't being cared for, you know what? You need to focus on that before you go out. There are people who want go out and raise other people's kids and they're not even raising their own kids. They'll go be a school teacher and then put their kids in a different school. You know what I mean? They'll put their kid in daycare to go be a daycare worker somewhere or a Christian school teacher somewhere.

It's like, "What? Teach your own kid. Deal with your own kid." But the bible says here ... Let me just read it for you again and the reason I have to be so repetitive is because we're brainwashed by the television programming and our society has really strange views about men and women, transgender, transvestite society that we live in. We have to really just slow down and just let the foundations be strongly laid here. What does it say in 1 Corinthians 11:8? For the man is not of the woman but the woman of the man. Neither was the man created for the woman but the woman for the man.

Anybody understand that? That's what the role of women is. It's for their husband primarily. Go to 1 Corinthians 14 which is another passage that has to do with the local church and by the way, anybody who hates these verses, you don't have Pastor Anderson. You hate God. It's the word of God. If I read this verse, "Oh, I can't believe he's turning to that verse again. How dare ... Why does he always harp on that verse? He preaches that verse way too much."

I know it's there but you have to turn there every time. I know that verse is there. "Okay, it's there, we all get it Pastor Anderson. The verse is there but do you have to read it twice? Why did you read it three times? Why do you keep going back to that same verse over and over and over again and harping." No, we harp on John 3:16. We harp on Genesis 1:1 and nobody cares, nobody minds because people don't have a problem with Genesis 1:1 and people don't have a problem with Genesis 3, 6 or, "Yeah, I do have a problem with Genesis 3:16."

People have a big problem with Genesis 3:16 but they don't have a problem with John 3:16, they don't have a problem with Genesis 1:1 but it's just ... You've got to understand that the verses that make people bristle and I don't know about this. You know what? Those are verses we need to talk about more.

Male: Yeah.

Speaker 1: I have a policy too. Whenever I'm preaching. If I say something and somebody goes ... Or make some, I always just repeat whatever I just said.

I'm just on a default mode where wheen somebody bristles or something, I just say the same thing again. Just say it again. Say it again. You say, "Why are you doing that? Just to rub it in?" "No, for surprise, you'll just hear it again." Because honestly if I say something from the bible, these are bible verses. If I say something from the bible and somebody is bristling, I think to myself, "Wow, that bible verse really hit home. I'm accomplishing"

If I'm just up here just preaching and reading verses and everybody is just like ... I might feel like, "Oh, maybe I'm not connecting here. Maybe I'm not hitting the mark but if I say something to people like ... " Then at least I realize like, "They're listening. Somebody is listening. Hey, somebody understands what I'm really saying. They get it. This is working. Let's do it again. We're making progress, we're getting something done. That's what I'm saying. 1 Corinthians 14:34 it says, "Let your women keep silence in the churches for it is not permitted unto them to speak but they're commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law and if they will learn anything, let them ask their husbands at home for it's a shame for women to speak in the church."

Obviously, the church is not the building. Nowhere in the bible does the word church ever mean building. The word church means congregation so when we're having a service is what that's saying and if we compare that with 1 Timothy 2 where it said, "Learn in silence, it's not saying that they have to just walk in the building and be silent." Because it's not the building but it's when the preaching is happening, they're supposed to learn in silence. Meaning that they don't talk during the sermon.

Don't talk during the sermon, don't commentate during the sermon. Don't come up behind the Pope and then deliver the sermon and it says if they have a question, let them ask their husband at home meaning that they shouldn't be like, "Honey, is this true? Can you believe that he's saying this? Are we going to come back to this church?" They should not do that during the sermons because if they're supposed to ask their husband, it's supposed to be at home, not like during.

As far as I'll be preaching and honestly, I'll see couples whispering back and forth like, "What about this." I'm not going to freak out or anything if I see that but I'm just saying technically you're not supposed to be doing that during the sermons. You're supposed to just learn in silence and listen but if you look at these verses that we just read in 1 Corinthians 14:34 and 35, does that look like my wife is a pastor's wife that should be up here in the role of like a Victoria Osteen and we're this team?

We're a team right? No. Not a team here. You have a pastor and he has a wife but you don't have a pastor's wife. Anybody get that? You have a pastor. Your pastor has a wife but you don't have a pastor's wife. You have a fellow lady church member, you have a friend. Maybe not a best, best, best, best buddy that wants to talk to you every hour of everyday but you do have a friend and a fellow church member but you have that in all the ladies of the church.

I just want to lay this down clearly so that nobody misunderstands because number one, I want to make sure that my wife gets the proper respect that she deserves for doing what she does best being a wife and mother. The people don't get this idea that she is this commodity that belongs to them. You're my pastor's wife and I don't know who else to go to. Another lady in the church? Someone else? "Yeah, but she's the best." "Well, yeah I know. That's why I want her for me and not you. That's why I married her."

The point is that we need to not only understand that at this church or any church that you go to in the future, you need to just understand that your pastor's wife is busy and is not an employee of the church and is not an officer of the church and then secondly, in your own marriage and in your own life, you need to get a proper priority that says, "You know what? I'm going to make sure that I take care of my own house first before I go out and save the world." At first, take care of your own house first.

Clean your bathroom before you clean the church bathroom. It just makes sense. Clean your bathroom then come and clean the church bathroom but don't sit there and clean the church bathroom and your bathroom looks like a public bathroom. Let's [inaudible 00:50:34] and have a word of prayer. Father, we thank you so much for these scriptures lord and these scriptures really cause a lot of people to flip out lord in 2014. Lord, I just pray that no one in our church would be so carnal as to actually flip out at bible verses lord.

Help every single person who is here lord to just let these things to sink down in their ears and to understand that there's a difference between men and women and that there are different roles and different functions and different priorities lord and I pray that every woman in this room would have their correct priorities in their life. Lord, of course, we have single women in the church that this does not apply to because they don't have a husband but lord, those women that do have a husband, I pray that they would make him the priority and that they wouldn't get so busy helping everyone else that they let things suffer at home with their children et cetera.

Lord, I pray that also people would respect the fact that that's the decision that my family makes and it's the right decision.